Ramblings of a Melvin...

Well its come to that time of year... Having to Choose what project is going to have me pulling my hair our all of next year.

 After some deliberation and reading through the ones on offer I've come up with 8 possible candidates that I will be submitting as my choicelist.

 Number 1:

"Learning Programming with Python" for Engineers

Description: This project will continue a previous project that answered the question "Which is the Most Appropriate First Programming Language for an Engineer" with a recommendation to evaluate Python. In this project you will develop a portfolio of suitable programming examples for a level one course in programming for engineers. The examples will be based on courses given at UC Berkeley and other prestigious US institutions (for which course materials are publicly available) and in some cases will require the translation of examples from Java, C, C++ and Fortran. They project will also evaluate suitable delivery methods (e.g. Web based presentation) and programming tools suitable for engineering use.

As a student interested in a number of languages and generally in how things work this appealed to me on what it is about.

 Number 2:

Atomistic Metropolis Monte Carlo (MMC) Studies for Spongy Catalyst Materials

Description: A review of existing MMC models will be carried out plus numerical experimentation using existing FORTRAN MMC codes. In particular, Ni_xAl_1-x alloys will be studied with special reference to their surface composition.

 

I'm interested in modelling materials modules that I've done so far this year hence why I chose this module as number 2.

Number 3: 

Combining Self-Organizing Maps and Minimum Spanning Trees

Description: Understanding complicated multivariable industrial process data and using it to provide guidance to operators is a challenging task. This project will investigate two related techniques, generate a computer model and apply it to existing process data. Programming will be done using Visual FORTRAN90.

This is interesting as to how Fortran is actually used in the workplace and also will give me a firm basis of how these types of things work. 

Number 4:

Undergraduate Project Manager on Rails

Description: The aim of this project is to develop a browser-based application to help with the management of undergraduate projects. It will provide an easy to use interface by which staff can create their undergraduate project descriptions, students can browse the list of projects to select their project nominations, the project coordinators can allocate projects to students and then manage the day-to-day running of the project, e.g, sending output emails at suitable times, provide automated tracking and submission of milestones such as project planning statements, risk assessments, progress reports and extended abstracts.

The Project will be hosted at Google Code as an open source project and the student will have access to (and be expected to use) a professional quality project web site, revision control, issue tracker, mailing list, blog, and Wiki.

This module seems to be quite similar to other things I have used in the past and I'd like to actually work to construct one myself :) 

 Number 5:

Carbon fibre mechanical properties (experimental)

Description: Carbon fibre composites are gaining increasing market penetration in applications in which their low density and high stiffness and strength hold sway despite the high costs. Areas such as aerospace, racing cars and sports equipment are particular examples. The increased usage, environmental concerns and legislation have led to problems when they reach their end-of-service life, since composite materials can be more difficult to recycle. This project will look at the issues associated with recycling the carbon fibres by burning off the resin. This can cause oxidation and hence weakening of the fibres. The plan is to assess the properties of carbon fibres following various heat treatments. Mechanical testing and microscopy will be carried out on single carbon fibres of varying lengths to determine the effects of degradation.

 As a racing enthusiast I keep on hearing about Carbon Fibres.  I'd love to get to know how these types of things work and what things affect their properties.

 Number 6: 

LCA Hydrogen Fuel Cells

Description: This project will involve a very limited Life Cycle Analysis of a selection of existing Hydrogen Fuel Cell technologies. Previous LCA work is available to provide a starting framework for the project.

I'm interested in learning about how these types of things work,  Hydrogen Fuel Cells are one of the Technologies we should really be looking at in terms of powering electric cars of the future. 

  Number 7:

Multiscale Computational Materials Science

Description: This project will mainly entail a general review of all published strategies relating to multiscale numerical simulation. Time permitting; a simple demonstrator code using a selected methodology may be attempted by the student.

While this isn't really a hands on practical I'm interested in the methodology of how this type of thing works.

 

 I've yet to actually make my final decision however so drop me an email cp[dot]melvin[at]gmail[dot]com to discuss.

Well after shepherdnick tagged me I guess I better come up with the top 5 games at least for me.

Star Wars:TIE FIGHTER

The first game on the list is an utter classic. It was one of the first PC games I actually threw myself into completely. Losing myself in the thrills and spills of flying the Epic Vessels of Star Wars through mission after mission. It was the era that I properly started getting into Science Fiction. Listening to Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy on Cassette Tape and reading the likes of Asimov. This Game was a very straight forward game that expanded on a universe rich with character and beautifully filled in the gaps during episodes IV-VI with stories of betrayal, success, promotion and low poly Explosions!!

Star Wars:Rebellion/Supremacy

This was one of those games that fell into a marmite character of you loved it or you hated it. While I completely agree that compared to some of the RTS' released at the same time graphics wise it wasn't really up to par. If you got around the annoying resource management and all the major learning curves to do with espionage, expansion, fleet and ground construction and heroes it was a revolutionary game that sadly never really saw that much in terms of widespread gaming. Alongside TIE Fighter I must have lost years of my life to this game..

Now.. the 3rd is outside Star Wars, yes I'm not only a Star Wars Geek =P

Warcraft 3

What a game that was. It was absolutely revolutionary. Blizzard outdid themselves with this and Starcraft (which tbh I never have played _that_ much. I've recently bought it so I'm going to see if I like SC as much as WC3. But i'm not sure. WC3 was like a fantasy Hero Story for me... Good guy Turns bad. I've still to complete Frozen Throne so I'll get back to you on that one =P

Call of Duty IV

Yes, I am going to have to jump on the CoDIV bandwagon and say WHAT A GAME. It was one of those things that I was expecting something like BF2 on a console and got so so much more. The only issue I had with it was that you could get killed pretty much completely and within 5 seconds have recovered. If they had permanent damage then that would have been awesome, a bit like ARMA: Armed Assault, though for certain bits of the CoDIV mission I bet that would have meant that you would be dead pretty quickly with dozens of soldiers attacking you at once. The storyline is scarily realistic. With the current climate of the world you really could see nukes being launched by rogue private armies. Its one of those things that you _could_ see made into a Movie. Scratch that. it isn't a game at all. It is a sort of movie putting you in the hero shoes of the guy who will end up winning by shoving a bullet into the anti-hero's head.

Now the final in my list. Initially it was going to be StarCraft but I swopped that out for Supremacy so my final one has to be...

Sonic The Hegehog 3 w/Sonic and Knuckles

Sonic the Hedgehog 3 w/Sonic and Knuckles was probably one of the greatest things SEGA have ever done. EVER I say! The Base Sonic3 cartridge introduces Knuckles the Echidna. Knuckles is the only one in his species and protects the Floating Island. Sonic is well Sonic. A Blue Hedgehog that can run at supersonic speeds thanks to an experiment that Dr Ovi Kintobor did on sonic when he was given his super sneakers and put on a treadmill. Sonic went so fast that he made the machine explode. This turned sonic blue and created Dr Ivo Robotnik (at least thats what happens in the sonic comic continuity). Anyhow.. Back to the story. its epic. You go through dozens of stages to get all the Chaos Emeralds and defeat Robotnik as well as Knuckles and enough of those little critters to start your own pet rescue centre. I mean jesus, how many of them are there ;) Its one of those games that if my Megadrive still worked I'd never stop Playing and hence why its in my top 5.

Honorable Mentions to the Metal Gear Solid Franchise, Sins of a Solar Empire, Grim Fandango, Monkey Island, HL/CounterStrike:Source and Command and Conquer Franchise.

If kyara is listening i choose her. I also poke loki to do one =P

Should be fun to read MMO players ones :P ^_^

Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.

Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.

Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.
Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.

Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.
Both Presidents were shot in the head.

Now it gets really weird.

Lincoln 's secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy's Secretary was named Lincoln .

Both were assassinated by Southerners.
Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson.

Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln , was born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.

John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln , was born in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939

Both assassins were known by their three names.
Both names are composed of fifteen letters.

Now hang on to your seat..

Lincoln was shot at the theater named 'Ford.'
Kennedy was shot in a car called ' Lincoln ' made by 'Ford.'

Lincoln was shot in a theater and his assassin ran and hid in a warehouse.
Kennedy was shot from a warehouse and his assassin ran and hid in a theater.

Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.

And here's the kicker...

A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe , Maryland
A week before Kennedy was shot, he was with Marilyn Monroe.

This Was written by a friend of mine and is a group on Facebook -

http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=28800990251 

You'd assume that University Unions are run by students... you'd be wrong, under changes proposed and being voted on Wednesday and Thursday, students lose the right to democracy and the powers they currently hold for no good good reason. This is not due to changes in the law:

The Charities Commmission has informed us that there are no major changes to the law regarding Swansea Union's Constitution since 2002. (November/December 2007).

The University is not happy with the changes to the Constitution - they have not been conveyed properly and the changes are shrouded under a mist of deciet.

The major change that is moving into effect is one where the students - the heart of the Union - can no longer control what is happens.

I highly expect a Sabb to appear on the wall to declare there is not a problem with the new Constitution - with no explanation of the word 'Veto'

Combining poorly advertised Sabbatical Elections, and merging an even POORER campaign to 'inform' the Union of the changes to the Constitution and that that this the Consittution is shoved under in such a way you instinctively vote 'yes'.

Naturally though... the constant reminders of the very vital '1 Day Sale of SUMMER BALL TICKETS! LOL!' - which... you guessed coincides with the Constitution and Sabbatical Elections on Wednesday... suggests where the true motives may lie.

How does this effect you?
Whether you are a student at Swansea or not, the changes here will affect you. What occurs at one University can easily set a precedent for the next, domino theory...
If we the Students cant retain our right to democracy than lord help our country.

Summary of the Changes:
1. Executive Decision Making Power drops to the elected Sabbatical officers and 3 'independent Co-opted Trustees' - a 1/3rd of those involved are not invovled with the Union at all... combined these two groups are now refered to as 'Trustees'
2. Audit Committee can be chaired by 3 Trustee members - essentially the Trustees are checking AND validating their own Audit... *Cough*ENRON*Cough*
3. Trustees have the power to Veto without explanation anything that can be construed as negative financial impact.
4. Executive Committee (which includes the 6 Sabbs and the part-time executive committee members – but they can be overruled by the Trustees ‘but only with good financial and legal decision…’ *Hmmm*
5. Student General Meetings – drop to consultive bodies but would be able to send recommendations to the referenda or the Exec. However, they will have no power to make policy unless they get 3% of the Student Population to vote… that’s 3-400 people at one SGM… *and the largest Lecture Theatre is 280 seats or so…* AND this can be VETOED without explanation beyond it being a negative financial impact… “for example campaign that may possibly cost £1 can be rejected on these grounds…”

This follows on from being able to freely advertise events at other bars other than Oceania… no consultation of the Union was taken… so much for the *Union*…


This follows in a year when:
1.SGMs have been suddenly changed at short notice – and announced at short notice
2. Motions have been overulled that allowed students to be ethical traders
3. The publicity of the Constitution has been one sided and a smear campaign has been conducted.
4. Internal Audit papers were not available when requested by parties until the AGM where they would be fully ratified, a watered down version was presented to the assembled students – students were confused into believing there would be a second chance to review the Audit Papers publically.
5. £30,000 of the ringfenced for Student Nurse’s was spent to keep us afloat. This money was from the NHS to support student nurses and the SU has abused their and our trust.

If you are like me – disgusted by the culture of lies and deceit that has surrounded this process, the lack of consultation, the smear campaign, the move from an becoming an SU to effectively becoming a ‘Pseudo-Union”

This is our first chance to stop this campaign in its tracks – and force a backtrack. Those accountable have lied to us – the Students and the University – they must be held accountable for these actions.

Whether you are a student at Swansea University or not… in a week that has seen Unions moving away from free expression in London *UCL* and during the debate about ID Cards... the loss of democracy where it should thrive should chill the hearts of all involved.

I do a lot of community work in free time for Petroglyph Games (http://www.petroglyphgames.com) and recently they released the game Universe at War (US Release Only so far... EU in Jan/Feb -_- Sega's Retarded blunder lol) 

 Anyhow...  I'm in the Community Moderator Section as Raiden =D Even though now on the forums I've gone back to being FJ2k4 so that people are less confused :)  Anyhow.. Proof :D

 

UNIVERSE AT WAR: EARTH ASSAULT


PETROGLYPH Development Team

Producer (Windows)
TED MORRIS

Creative Director
ADAM ISGREEN

Lead Programmer (Windows), Technical Direction
BRIAN HAYES

Art Director
ELIE ARABIAN

Lead Designer
STEVE COPELAND

Music Composer, Sound Designer, Audio Director
FRANK KLEPACKI

Technical Director
GREG HJELSTROM

Associate Producer (Windows)
JEFF JIRSA

Producer (Xbox 360)
MICHAEL FETTERMAN

Lead Programmer (Xbox 360)
ERIC YISKIS

Associate Producer (Xbox 360)
TIM C. FRITZ

Programmers
BRET AMBROSE
BRIAN KIRCHER
EVAN PIPHO
JAMES RICHMOND
JAMES YARROW
JASON CURTICE
JOE HOWES
JONATHAN BURGESS
KEITH BRORS
MARIA TERUEL
MICHAEL LEGG
MIKE LYTLE
NADER AKOURY
OKSANA KUBUSHYNA
ROSS SIMPSON
SKYLER YORK
STEVE TALL
THANH NGUYEN

Multiplayer Design Lead
CHRISTOPHER RUBYOR

Campaign Design Lead
JEFF STEWART

XML Design Lead
PATRICK PANNULLO

Designers
DANIEL ETTER
JOE GERNERT
RICH DONNELLY

Writer
JOHN DOMBROW

Environment Art Lead
ERIC KEARNS

Concept Artist
KEVIN PRANGLEY

Senior Artists
ADAM PITTS
HERB ELLWOOD
MICHAEL AMERSON

Artists
JEFF PALMER
JOHN SHUMAN
KIAN CHAI NG
NICK BROWN-TEASDALE
PHILL BELANGER

Cinematics
ELIE ARABIAN
DANIEL ETTER

Additional Art
ERIC MAKI
LYNNE GURA
VADIM VAHRAMEEV

Additional Concept Art
KIAN CHAI NG

Tutorial Video Production
CARLOS 'SCUD' GODINEZ
JOE BOSTIC

QA Manager
TIM C. FRITZ

QA Leads
ANGELICA MORRIS
CARLOS 'SCUD' GODINEZ
JEFF MANNERS

QA Balance Team
JEFF MANNERS
JEFFERY CALVIN PROFFITT JR.

QA Analyst
JULIE NUNZIATA



PETROGLYPH Studio

Executive Producer, General Manager, CEO
CHUCK KROEGEL

Studio Art Director
GARY COX

Technical Director, Core Team Manager
GREG HJELSTROM

Audio Director
FRANK KLEPACKI

Creative Director
ADAM ISGREEN

Director of Game Design
JOE BOSTIC

Director of Technology
STEVE TALL

Community Manager
CHRIS AINSWORTH

Director of Operations
CRISTY HUENDER

IT Manager
CURTIS SHELLMAN

Operations Manager
BRANDY PASTORE

IT Support
BRENDA KEARNS

President
MICHAEL LEGG



Additional Development & Support

AARON SARVER (Test)
ANDRÉ ARSENAULT (Programming)
BEN BONNER (Art)
CHRIS BROOKS (Programming)
JUSTIN FICARROTTA (Programming)
KEVIN YU (Community Management)
YANG LI HECTOR YEE (Programming)





SEGA of America

CEO
NAOYA TSURUMI

President
SIMON JEFFERY

Executive Vice President of Corporate Planning
HITOSHI OKUNO

Vice President of Product Development
DAVE COBB

Vice President of Marketing
SCOTT A. STEINBERG

Vice President of Sales
SUE HUGHES-TAIGEN

Director, Development Operations
LUKE LETIZIA

Senior Producer
JON SELL

Associate Producers
STEPHEN FROST
ETHAN EINHORN

Production Assistant
MARTA KHOSRAW

Director of Marketing
CHIP BLUNDELL

Product Marketing Manager
ELLIOTT CHIN

Director of Public Relations
CHARLES SCIBETTA

Public Relations Manager
DENNY CHIU

Creative Services Manager
JEN GROELING

Creative Services Production Specialist
HEATHER LUCCHETTI

QA Development Services Manager
DENI SKEENS

QA Manager
JOSHUA MORTON

QA Lead
PHIL MUSIL

QA Assistant Lead
DANE DAY

Special Thanks
LANE RAICHERT
ART CURRIM
ANDI GOTARD
FRANZ BAZAR





SEGA Europe Limited Staff

CEO
NAOYA TSURUMI

President / COO
MIKE HAYES

Development Director
GARY DUNN

Director of European Marketing
GARY KNIGHT

Marketing Manager
DARREN WILLIAMS

Senior Producer
KATRIN DAROLLE

Assistant Producer
ED BUSHELL

Head of External Development
JIM WOODS

Publishing Manager
NATHALIE RANSOM

European PR
LYNN DANIEL
KERRY MARTYN
ALISTAIR HATCH

International Brand Manager
BEN CHALMERS-STEVENS

Creative Services
ALISON PEAT
TOM BINGLE
MORGAN GIBBONS
AKANE HIRAOKA
ARNOUD TEMPELAERE

Head of Operations
MARK SIMMONS

Purchasing Manager
CAROLINE SEARLE

Operations
NATALIE COOKE

Online Marketing Manager
MIKE EVANS

Online Development Manager
NINA AHMAD

Online Creative Manager
BENNIE BOOYSEN

Legal Counsel
NICKY BOXALL
MARK BENNETT

Licensing Manager
NIVINE EMERAN

Head of Development Services
MARK LE BRETON

Localisation Manager
MARTA LOIS GONZALEZ

Localisation Coordinator
GIUSEPPE RIZZO

Localisation Team
KATHARINA KIEGLER
MARCO BORRELLI
JESÚS ALVAREZ
JEAN-LOUP LANSAC

QA Shift Managers
MARLON GRANT
STUART ARROWSMITH

Master Technicians
JOHN HEGARTY
JIGAR PATEL

QA Team Lead
GABRIEL RALLS

Assistant Team Lead
CLINTON LITTLEJOHN

Testers
PETER ROACH
ROBERTO QUYE
PETER LAW
KIRILL GALENKO
SAM MORGAN
JAMES LOVELESS
WING-PUI CHUNG
ROBIN PARKER

Standards Coordinator
MOHAMMED AJAIB

Assistant Standard Coordinators
JUSTIN AMORE
MIKE HANLEY

Standards Technicians
STEPHEN WARNEFORD-BYGRAVE
SAMEER MALIK

Language QA Coordinator
JEAN BAPTISTE BAGOT

Senior Language Team Lead
ALESSANDRO IRRANCA

Language Testers
HECTOR TORRENT
ERIC SICART
FILIPPO CARDIA
SALVATORE FORMISANO
JOHANNES NORDMANN
LUCA DE MARCO
RONAN SALON
JUAN JOSE LANGA
DAPHNÉ VANNEROY



Additional UI Artwork provided by Mind Control Software, Inc.

KEVIN O'NEILL
VA LEE
ELVIN YU
JAMES SOOY





Quality Assurance by Game Instinct

QA Project Manager
GAVIN KENNEDY

QA Lead
RYAN ROCKERS

QA Testers
RANDALL ARY
BRANDON BOSWELL
JUAN CASTRO
DIONY COOK
SCOTT CRESON
BLAKE DAVIS
RACHEL DAY
CHRIS ENG
RAYMOND ESTRADA
NATHAN HAYNES
JOHN HOLES
SALLY KAYL
TROY KERR
CAMERON MCCARTNEY
VOUTHA MEN
DANIEL MONROE
NATE MONTES
DEVIN PIPER
ANDY PLUMMER
BORIS SHAPIRO
TIM SWANSON
WILL THOMPSON
CODY WARREN
ANDREW WOODS
MARTIN MOORER
HARPREET GILL





Voice-Over

Randall Moore, Orlok the Eternal
FRED TATASCIORE

Kamal Rex, Military Marine, Novus Reflex Trooper
KEITH SZARABAJKA

Masari Figment, Female Civilian 3
VANESSA MARSHALL

Nufai, Novus Comm Officer, Masari Science, Chopper Pilot
STEVE BLUM

Queen Altea, Female Civilian 2
GREY DELISLE

Zessus, Masari Architect, Novus Constructor
CRISPIN FREEMAN

Masari Comm Officer, Military Comm Officer, Masari Seer, Masari Figment
COLLEEN O'SHAUGNESSY

Novus Founder, Novus Science Officer, Male Civilian 1
JD CULLUM

Lord Charos
JAMES HORAN

Hierarchy Comm Officer, Masari Disciple, Masari Conqueror
NICK GUEST

Sergeant Woolard
MIKE BELL

Novus Vertigo, Hierarchy Science Officer, Male Civilian 2
JOHN KASSIR

Novus Dervish Pilot, Novus Field Inverter
DANIEL RIORDAN

Masari Skylord, Female Civilian 1
KYM HOY

Novus Antimatter Tank, Marine 1, Marine Humvee
RON YUAN

Masari Inquisitor, Military Abrams, Novus Ohm Robot, Novus Variant
HENRY DITTMAN

Novus Amplifier, Masari Peacebringer, Military Flamethrower
DAVE MITCHELL

Masari Sentry, Novus Hacker, Marine 2, Military Rocket Launcher
ZACH MCGOWAN

Mirabel
STEPHANIE CALVERT

Narrator
FRANK KLEPACKI



VO Production & Voice Design
Black Powder Media / blackpowdermedia.com

VO Director
ART CURRIM

Voice Design
BRAINX

Editor
JIM KWAN

Production Coordinator
REBECCA JOHNSON





Community Moderators

RAZIEL KANOS
SNAKEPLISSKEN
MASTERMIND
RAIDEN
KELATHIN
GHOSTLY_SUBSTANCE
ZAKNARIL
HYBRID
POPCORN2008
COBRA848
SWGBEX
SARACEN
SWISS KNIGHT
B3NE
FRENO





Internet

www.sega.com
www.petroglyphgames.com
www.universeatwargame.com





Development Team Special Thanks

ALBERTA COPELAND
ALEXANDRIA EVELYN WEDEMEYER
ALIA YISKIS
ALLISON HJELSTROM
AMANDA FLYNN
AMANDA L. LANE
AMANDA LYTLE
AMY ETTER
ANDREW CURTICE
ANGELA TERUEL
ANGELINA SHELLMAN
ANGIE MORRIS
ANN FELD
ANNE TAKEUCHI
ANNE TALL
APRIL ANGEL BAILEY
ARIEL LOH
ARRAN BROWNLEE
ASHLYN DUNCAN
ATB
BEN ETTER
BEN RICHMOND
BOBBIE MCCREADY
BONNI PITTS
BONNIE BRORS
BRANDON HJELSTROM
BRENDA DOMBROW
BRENDA KEARNS
THE BROWN FAMILY
BRYAN COPELAND
CANDY MORELLI
CAROLINE ARABIAN
THE CASTLE FAMILY
CATHERINE CURTICE
CHAMP MORELLI
CHRISTINE JIRSA
CHRISTOPHER CURTICE
CHUCK BAILEY
CODY HUENDER
CORRAN BROWNLEE
CURTIS SHELLMAN
CYNDI HJELSTROM
DAKOTA ARABIAN
DALAL AKOURY
DALE COX
DAVE POKORNY
DAWN KROEGEL
DEREK ARABIAN
DIANE HOWES
DOUG HOWES
DUSTIN KLEPACKI
ED PITTS
ELIZABETH BROOKS
EMILY GURA
ERIC LYTLE
ERICK MILEWSKI
ERINN
ETHAN MORRIS
EVAN KEARNS
EVANS CURTICE
FABIAN GARCILAZO
FAMOUS DAVE
FERESHTEH AMERSON
FRANCIS NUNZIATA
FRANK MORELLI
FRANK RICHMOND
GRETCHEN TEASDALE
HEATHER HOWES
HEATHER RICHMOND
HOLDEN AUSTIN BROWN-TEASDALE
HOLLIE FRITZ
ISSA BREIBISH
JACK FETTERMAN
JANET MARTINEZ
JAYNAY RUBYOR
JEANNE CASOLARI
JEFF FELD
JEFFERY PROFFITT SR.
JENNIFER KLEPACKI
JESSICA SHELLMAN
JODIE KIRCHER
JOHN DOMBROW
JOY DOMBROW
JULIA LYTLE
KADJA
KAT FRITZ
KAY COLLINS
KEITH COPELAND
KEITH DUNCAN
KEVIN COPELAND
KEVIN HJELSTROM
KRISTI ISGREEN
KRISTIAN SHELLMAN
KYLE HUENDER
LAURA COX
THE LEGG FLOCK
LEONARD LEGG
LEVIA HAYES
LORNE HOWES
LUIS TERUEL
MARIA DEL MAR MCCREADY LEGG
MARY CURTICE
MARNIE FRITZ
MATTHEW RUBYOR
MERLE RICHMOND
MICAELA SHELLMAN
MOYA
NADIYA KUBUSHYNA
NATHAN ETTER
NERO KEARNS
NICOLE SHELLMAN
NIKKI
NIKKI SUCHY
OLIVIA JIRSA
OWEN HOWES
PETER HUENDER
POLLOS DIABLOS
THE PRANGLEY FAMILY
RALPH MARTINEZ
RAMZI EL-KHATER
RAMIN 'THE HAND' FATHIE
REBECCA GUENTHER
REBECCA UTECHT
RILEY MORRIS
ROBERT RICHMOND
ROBLEY CURTICE
RUDY BUCERRA
RUSS KRAMER
SAMY AKOURY
SANAZ DEHGHAN
SANDY UTECHT
SARAH BURGESS
SARAH COX
SERGEY KUBUSHYN
SHAWN TREANTS
SHILOH MORRIS
SHIRLEY DOMBROW
SHIRLEY LEGG
STEPH ARCHER
STEPHANIE RUBYOR
STEPHANIE TABLANTE
STEVE HAYES
STILLGLADE
SUZY CURTICE
TAMER AKOURY
TANYA LYTLE
THE TEASDALE FAMILY
TED UTECHT
TERRI MARIE
THO TRAN
THONGOR
TIMOTHY JAMES PRANGLEY III
TINA PHAM
TOM KIRCHER
TOPAZ
TRE SHUMAN
TROY PERRY BAILEY
VAN NGUYEN
VERLA KRAMER
VIOLA PROFFITT
VIOLET BRORS
VITALIY KUBUSHYN





Production Babies

EVAN VERDIN KEARNS
HOLDEN AUSTIN BROWN-TEASDALE
JACK FETTERMAN
JASON RUBYOR
NATHAN ETTER
NICOLE KRISTINE SHELLMAN
ROBERT THEODORE RICHMOND
VIOLET MADELEINE BRORS





PETROGLYPH Special Thanks

ALISON KELLY
ANDRÉ VRIGNAUD
BARRY FRIEDMAN
BILL BILODEAU
BRET BERRY
BRETT SPERRY
BRETT TOSTI
BRYCE EARL
CHRIS TAYLOR
COLT MCANLIS
DAVID CORLESS
DAVID DETTMER
DENIS DYACK
DEREK ARABIAN
DIGIPEN
ED DEL CASTILLO
FAMOUS DAVE
FRANCIS HOWARD
GEORGE WILLIAMS
GUILDHALL AT SMU
HEINRICH LENHARDT
HELEN LAWSON
HOLLY NEWMAN
IAN LEWIS
JAMES CASTLE
JEFF ROBERTS
JIM WARD
JOHN CALLAHAM
JOHN MILES
JONATHAN VD WIJNGAARDEN
KRISTINA SORRELLS
KUNIYO MATSUMOTO
LINDSEY COX
LOUIS CASTLE
LYLE HALL
MARILYN REBMAN
MARK 'CYPHER' KOTLIAR
MARK SUBOTNICK
MICHAEL FEHLAUER
MICHAEL KEARNEY
MIKE BALLARD
MIKE GRAYFORD
MITCH SOULE
NEWEGG
NICK BELIAEFF
NOAH MUSLER
PETER STERN
PHIL SCOTT
RITCHE CORPUS
SADEAN 'CAIN' CRISTIAN
SHANE HENSLEY
SHARI FARKAS
SHIN HAMANAKA
SIMON JEFFERY
STEVE GIBSON
TIM DEROSA
TONY CASTLE
TONY VAN
TRISTAN LORACH





PETROGLYPH Community Special Thanks

Luga
HissingNewt
Gray__Fox
Videoteck
Admiral_Antilles
Malid
Bird of Prey
hagren
Sean_Seanston
Hiromoon
The Cheeseinator
gorays/riftwave/socom
slornie
S.S. Doomtrooper
HUB2006
Stargazer
Loth Don
Commander Loony
VonVentrue
Klarin
(DoV) Tokakeke
CowGoMoo
Farfalo
darth_yannick
^Speedy^
RaiDK
Muk
OpDDay2001
Scychotik
Shard
WhiteKnight
ASHPD
Borreh
DragonShadow
SirNuke
TehOwn
ControlFreak
Mike.nl
Phoenix Rising
Droid
Darkodin
Frankaz
Zap
Mr. Pokey
DuRiN
Elegy
Waraddict
Pyrotech
Durge
D3matt
sh0td0wn
Jedi Master Tofu
Corsair
3of12
sharky
MageLite
Valdez
Lord Grievous
Xyvik
Rapier
Allecto
Raptor 4000
Bittah Commander
Klauzix
lord hobo
vb4
Oblisk
PigletCNC
utred
Gazdakka Gizbang
Lightstorm
Mighty BOB!
Arcesious
GamerOpsSteel
Big Jack
clue
gufu
wigoj
lt yachiru
GR Panda Bear
Soundmaster91
lalapin
Team Black
iMess
playtoy
-Skull-
ghostfox1
kar
Charette
Darth Arbiter
Nevets
Mr. Scetch
NastyIonCannon
Destin
Star Wars Man
SlurpeeBoy
At-At Controller
dragon lancer
Chlupululuu
BOTA:99
Confederacy
Dr. Nick
Orao
EatMyCar
babs
Ryan
shak4l 01
Auron_Kast
Darth Sleep
Arc Haru Ceeza
Ranganz
Zet
JYM
Jekz
Steppo
TheSoVietBlackOut
FuzionInfinity
Hierarchy 17
Wildcat
Dennis
Moonray
Cavkov
Some Lazy Driver
Mencor
CuppaLastHumanSoldier
Greenie
GeneralFailure
SAC811
Zergish
KI61
Wiseman
Mikan Cyclone
TearsOfIsha
emperortimetodie
Major Scientist
OOM-911
ChessRules
Darth Anarch
Ben
Whitewashed
Noodlesocks
MindWraith
YkudzA
Talonfire
-=Wolkendrache=-
ovi_da_tiger
iceman775
Lord Scin
ASG
sakey
Thunder
_Ti__
..:: Ds ::..
MSEagle2
(Undecided)
RiceFarmerXD
Exar Kun
Deadman_T
spirit1flyer
omg weeeeeee
SniperGimp
AsTheRuinsFall
Sonic
UberGoat
Noob1ett
Thundertactics
Mr. Adequate
Das_Ritterkreuz
z3r0x
bjbrains
Traun
MerlinGalgotta
Cobra174
Chrissyx
Torgue
Kranos
plokoon9619
Octavarium
Hunter 1
StickDeath
GSwift
triumph
Caine
Cypher
Imperial Grand Admiral
EMPEROR
ihopethisnamefi
Rogueleader89
Alex06
Ithildur
Trithne
xDAKx
Bryant
Sirius
codeuser
Purgatus
deltasniper
Overlord
EatPlasma
Hroth
Banshee
Serena Tirzycla
Darth Zhan
Gangstajohn
p0sitron
Hated SIen
CommanderKoran
GeckoYamori
Kirouk
Overwatch
Cylon
branthemosherman
Action Jackson!
Supa Killa the II
Tony (Knightcrawler)
Hunter312
MrSpontaneous
Iceciro
Speaker For The Dead
Corroded
Juggernaut1985
A User Name
Arion
evilbobthebob
Kallikrates
dr strangemonkey
Lord_Mordja
renester21
I_X
Redtech
Diggs
Raven
waterbuster
Dylan
ricardo52
MajorPayne
Cthulhu
Kazyumi
Masume
GiantExplodingWalkerOfDoom
Eol
Harry the Hutt
swfan654
eleser
CrashKing
dilnoze
Rasputin
Nubl0
sithjedi
GrandAdmiralVance
Mandalorian_Jedi1
Pepzi87
Murtagh
VangelisEAW
ttandc
the red soldier
Vormex5
FFulmen
chakotay02
matticus88
Candeul
Iron Chicken
Elron
Koloth
slicer1000
Jojo_Jinn
Tuskin
WRS
(UNAW)Noob
Jeteye1
erzwo
Dathknight
Vezner
Koen
Craeshen
Invalid
Erix
captjim122
DragonFire
Opals25
Goodwood
drunkill
ArshrAAm
Krytos
grd. adml thrawn 889
Lord of the Sith
theempirerules
Richggs
jones
Sabertooth
Nyerguds
Dutch Savage
RedbackJedi
Dark Tactics
Hell-Fox
Meteor
GeneralIgor
tesla3090
ChaosMaster130
Karma Cowboy
JKNathan
$oRRow
biggledee
Admiral Nethor
Sidious Invader
PumpkinPieman
GenLinkzCnC
KeNtY
starwarsphreak
Adthrawn
Zerith
paws1111
Varek Raith
Seven
Imperialist
Mothman
Thrawn221
Meethos
Amosh
Apocalypse
Ravbeaver
Twinbladez
Rebellions Rule
Hussain Hani
GrAdm Pellaeon
Yodaminch
DonBilbo
HERO
Yaldren
CommandoSR
Sgt. Hicks
Machlathak
sovietmisaki
itsme
knownalien
Vinegarmoon
T.I.E destroyer
Sharpnessism
Rebel
malakarer
Ross
DemonDiablo
Loader
Silver Mobius
EliteJal
Ijtzoi
Notadmin
Tattoo
Mercury
Hoopkid927
Mad Ivan
sebuko
bait
Liao
rm5248
TopDogJW
loocas
ddrumss2112
Moondragon
escapedturkey
Fepeco Pocket
Siberian GRemlin
RedHawk
G.AdmiralThrawn
Razor's Kiss
KIRBY098
Ap0C
D3F1L3R
Alpha~Kyber
Dark_Lord
Xinthos
TruYuri
AngryZealot
yobob
SpaceButler
Alphabear
Kiith-Sa
RogueCommander
ZELDAFREAKNEO
Sniper McBlaze
JavieRxD
Luk3us
bravehart10000
Rico
jedi_consular
RubyEclipse
HotFury
Darkhamly
chronocommando
Dorkthehunter
dark trooper
mirza044
antagonist
Magus65
ToB123
ChildrenofAtom
DalzK
TParis
Raq
Hardware_Hank
Arcon
TSHyper
El D34dlyto
AwingSlash
emperorz0
Imperator Bob
Precise
DonutArnold
Defiler-Kommando
Nakatomi2010
Garbageben
Wal-Mart Shoplifter
Cymera
subroutine
Maistral
Legion
carmenelectra
The Wiz
ski4life292
BaLLisTiC
lalelulilo
FireFossil
Zeratul
alpha17
Steiner0815
Vieon
Clord
Jimknopf15
Suicide
Spades
No one
Killerkev
Mandalor
joe8976
Final Blizzard
WickyWoo
brownbyea
trossy
MaGlOn
chip5541
Negative_Vigilance
CrimsonTears
Attis
Killerratte
soviet_deso
Silenceko
darkfriend
Infinity238
ePx.toitoi
Neoda
podex_equus
Admiral Vorec
Westwood2
vipeness
G_man
SMIFFGIG
DeaconFrost
Cr4zyJ0ker
rremont
petrodile
KaerbEmEvig
Golradaer
Shinigami
nakamater
Ordo
Sonic0
Kampher
Mechan1c
Chozoman
malric
ThirE
gah
HanShootsFirst
TonganJedi
Westwood
Vengence_MkII
Stealth011
Loky911
LightWarrior
rookill
Cab
Helenes
Darth_Malum
sigismund
mithrawnundo
D3i
IrishDragon
CFT-1983
RsH-Ar-Bee
comander starlin
damaddok
ljofa
Rommel2k
SgtSkivy
Shockwave
skedar
sgran
Confessor
Exno
Hymster
blubb
N3bulu5
(name here)
!nFl3lRnO
A Novus Earthling
Campaigner
Aaronjw
ShadiWulf
HawkEyeWolf
DreamWraith
AgmLauncher
DeathRay2K
Darth Ablett
Twilight
Annakin Skywalker
Nighthawk200
Master
reptile
oqqusham
rixile
AGStumps8807
Darth-Sidious-Frost
rebel_lead3r
daft_vader
Asmodeus097
blackhorus
A27Raptor
{AF}Veitchypops
ARC Trooper 111
Gregoryan
WeToYou
Tyrant19
Exile
HK-47
djsilver666666
BanthaFodder
Zee Hypnotist
Gur Huyora
mohan88
Capt.Wildstar
mac
MasterKane
Balancer
Reaver11
ursule15
Omni^
Mark
Darth Windu
Dregan
Eolirin
Buzzard
Executor1608
Grand Admiral Thrawn
Samheyn
Beowulf
Webboy
BigJoe
Zarkis
BBBE
Unarmed
c130capten
burbet
Ravanger
Lord_Void
Oxos
Aurious
godsun333
damnidunno
Squirrelx
Privateer
Delwack
Odyssey_1001
KajaTG
Raikkon
DekklinOfDeath
Chris/Yayo01
Eleemosynary
Alpha_522
r3ppr490n
loosa23
chronix
Kibax
CarnbY
lomanasq
Mephisto
dinonut
Sm1ttyNZ
criticalvalue
theratboy66
`n`i`g`h`t`
Swaty
Ajeet
Nighthawk
Comrade Mike
MaCasky
Dan Riker
BlackAngel
Chad
DeBazz
The Death Message
Omg0r
olddust
Samodelkin
Kalen Nighteyes
DefiantResistance
DrZak
bartender5000
wswordsmen
CmdrK
Lori Carlyle
Dark
Arkangel_myk
EJMMSITH
Doomgiver
Darth Angelus
delta 62
Goonboy Glyph
LordCray
peezawaki
ObssesedNuker
shadowraith
Chrispy
WNxBoMbZu
poissant344
zunnie
13thBlade
Sithlord715
Bobaloo
Dr-Ludvig
Arthur
JediDoggie
Anti-Baal
duuude007
QuicK Silv3r
Petro123
Lucasfans.de
slb
karmanat
Don113
HUN_Spike
GeuineD
Kane Nash





© SEGA. All rights reserved. SEGA is registered
in the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office.

SEGA, the SEGA logo and Universe at War: Earth Assault are
either registered trademarks or trademarks of SEGA Corporation.

PETROGLYPH is a registered trademark and
service mark of Petroglyph Games, Inc.

The Petroglyph logo is a copyright, trademark,
and service mark of Petroglyph Games, Inc

Microsoft, Windows, the Windows Vista Start button, Xbox, Xbox 360,
Xbox LIVE, and the Xbox logos are trademarks of the Microsoft
group of companies.

® 2007 Creative Technology Ltd. The Creative logo, Sound Blaster logo,
X-Fi logo, EAX logo, EAX ADVANCED HD logo are registered trademarks
of Creative Technology Ltd, in United States and/or other countries.

All brands or product names listed are trademarks or registered
trademarks and are property of their respective holders.

NVIDIA, the NVIDIA Logo, and other NVIDIA Marks are registered
trademarks or trademarks of NVIDIA Corporation in the United
States and other countries.

Uses Bink Video Technology. Copyright © 1997-2007 by
RAD Game Tools, Inc.

Uses Miles Sound System. Copyright © 1991-2007 by
RAD Game Tools, Inc.

MPEG Layer-3 playback supplied with the Miles Sound
System from RAD Game Tools, Inc.

MPEG Layer-3 audio compression technology licensed
by Fraunhofer IIS and THOMSON multimedia.

zlib.h -- interface of the 'zlib' general purpose
compression library version 1.2.1, November 17th,
2003 Copyright © 1995-2003 Jean-loup Gailly
and Mark Adler.

expat -XML Parser Toolkit Copyright © 1998, 1999, 2000
Thai Open Source Software Center Ltd.

Permission is hereby granted, free of charge, to any
person obtaining a copy of expat -XML Parser Toolkit,
and associated documentation files (exclusive of any
documentation files or copies of expat -XML Parser
Toolkit that may be associated with or part of
Universe at War: Earth Assault) to deal in the expat -XML
Parser Toolkit without restriction, including without
limitation the rights to use, copy, modify, merge, publish,
distribute, sublicense, and/or sell copies of the
expat -XML Parser Toolkit and to permit persons to whom
the expat -XML Parser Toolkit is furnished to do so,
subject to the following conditions: The above copyright
notice and this permission notice located at the website
www.jclark.com/xml/copying.txt shall be included in all
copies or substantial portions of the expat -XML
Parser Toolkit.

libpng versions 1.0.7, July 1, 2000, through 1.2.5,
October 3, 2002, © 2000-2002 Glenn Randers-Pehrson

Lua programming language Copyright © 1994-2004
Tecgraf, PUC-Rio.

Permission is hereby granted, free of charge, to any
person obtaining a copy of Lua programming language
and associated documentation files (exclusive of any
documentation files or copies of Lua programming
language that may be associated with or part of
Universe at War: Earth Assault), to deal in the Lua
programming language without restriction, including
without limitation the rights to use, copy, modify, merge,
publish, distribute, sublicense, and/or sell copies of the
Lua programming language, and to permit persons to
whom the Lua programming language is furnished to do
so, subject to the following conditions: The above
copyright notice and this permission notice shall be
included in all copies or substantial portions of the
Lua programming language.





UNIVERSE AT WAR: EARTH ASSAULT

Hello.. Here is my manifesto for the Positions of "El Presidente", Publicity and Treasurer.

I would have run last year but alas i didn't really understand the protocol and to be honest I didn't think I was ready for the job at hand.

A year later, I'm a year older, a year wiser. Watching the Society over the past year and a half has shown that there are a few other avenues I'd like to look into on top of the ones we currently do.

So lets get down to the basics...

1. Why Should you Vote for me at all??

Well I've always been strong at Maths. I've had plenty of experience with cash handling and figures working at a Supermarket and also I have good organisational Ability and as a Student Rep for engineering I'm experienced with discussing things with committees. I think that I'd be a good candidate for the role(s).

2. My opinion of where we are at present.

At Present I think the society is going through a period of change. With the general course change and attitude to Computing changing we have a prime opportunity to show to the SU that SUCS isn't a "Geek" Society and to show that we are a large, active Society. We also should start to look hard about how to secure better Facilities for the Society. Also I'd like to discuss with the LIS whether they could open the Gaming Ports over the weekend so that people could have the ability to play games like EQ2, CSS and other online games with their friends not at Swansea. I know it may not work but it is definitely something to look into, we can from this look at which games are popular across the University and see which games we could add to the Servers, Ideally I'd like to upgrade caesium sometime over the next year to allow us to keep up with the Multi player Server requirements for recent releases.

3. Where would I like the Society to be a years time?

In a year I'd love to see the Society being one of the larger societies in the University. More social events, continuing the Lightning talks, maybe starting to teach people how Linux is now more than ever a viable alternative to Windows.

4. How will we do this???

With Social Events we need to Publicise them more, We should be putting adverts in Waterfront and around the University. There are many people that I've spoken to who like Linux more than Windows who I've been redirecting to SUCS. That may bring more membership, which would increase the likelyhood we could push campus services for a bigger room also give us a larger kitty and may allow us to do a general Upgrade of the rest of the Room. (New Tables, Chairs, the rest of the desktops, start saving for TFT monitors) and the like.

I think that if we have a strong Exec offering new ideas there is an oppotunity to grow from strength to strength.

Thanks for reading :)

~Chris

We believe that all the main physics principles can be explained away by the existence of tiny gnomes.

Electricity:
Inside cables there are hundreds of tiny gnomes 'high-fiving' each other and running around swapping messages. This transfer of messages allows things to work, e.g. the gnomes in a plug socket tell the gnomes in the wire, who eventually tell the gnomes in (say) a kettle to fart in the water allowing it to boil.

Computers:
Computers are run by tiny gnomes. They do all the work sat at tiny desks inside your PC. When you turn it off they can all go home and have a rest before they are needed again. The screen is in fact an arrangement of gnomes wearing different colour hats.

Atoms:
Atoms are infact miniscule gnomes, all holding hands and feet etc together to form an intricate web from which nearly everything in this universe is comprised of. Radioactivity occurs when a rebel gnome is catapaulted by his freinds from their structure. Should this gnome come into contact with the gnomes from our body, he will offer them beer, thus making the local area benign or 'cancerous'.

States:
A solid is a closely compacted arrangement of gnomes, all holding hands, hats and legs. Heating (see Energy) causes the gnomes to becoming exited (or 'tickled'). This means they start to lose a grip on their neighbours; thus becoming a liquid. When the gnomes become tickled 'pink' they just can no longer hold on and float away (in groups upwards of one) becoming a 'Gas'.

Gravity:
As we are all well aware gnomes like the ground. They all strive to be in the ground, and this is where the basic theory for gravity comes from. Gnomes throw tiny (obviously unseen to the human eye) ropes to the ground. These ropes attach to unseen hooks allowing the gnomes to pull themsleves towards the ground. There is minimal gravity away from bodies (e.g. in space) because very few gnomes have long enough ropes. All bodies have a gravitional attraction to each other because gnomes are sociable creatures and enjoy large gatherings.

Light:
If you think about it, its quite obvious really. The gnomes that make up our eyes can see what colour other gnomes making up, say a table, are wearing. They then hi-five gnomes in our 'optical nerve' who run to tell the brain gnomes what has been seen. This makes us think we are seeing things when infact it is all gnomes.

Anti-matter:
Now this is a little more complicated. There are evil gnomes. These make up anti-matter. Done.

Energy:
All types of energy are trasferred through gnomes. Heat is just gnomes rubbing other gnomes. Potential energy is when gnomes dont want to be seperated (see 'Gravity'). Kinetic energy is the movement of gnomes. Energy is allways conserved so fundamental gnomes (see below) are only ever transfered and never made or destroyed.

Gnomes:
So what are gnomes made up of themselves? They are surely not fundamental? They are comprised of billions of even smaller gnomes. These smaller gnomes are known as 'Super-gnomes'. Super-gnomes are made up of billions of even smaller gnomes known as 'Hyper-Gnomes'. Hyper-gnomes are the fundamental building block of everything.


Now that we have covered the basics of gnome theory we are going to discuss and 'explain away' certain physical phenomena.

Aurora Borealis/Australis (Northern/Southern Lights):
Having seen the principles concerning light in gnome theory this northern spectacle can now be explained. Gnomes become blind when they stay too long with the gnomes in the sun (because their clothing is really bright). They thus tend to get lost when the sun gnomes let go of them. Some of these blind gnomes accidently attach their ropes to earth, and are thus pulled towards it (see Gravity). When they reach the gnomes in the upper 'atmosphere' of the earth they realise that they're not the only gnomes in the universe and so have a tiny party/celebration. During this festive time the gatherings round the north and south of the earth have access to changes of clothes (e.g. from Santa). They take advantage of this wardrobe and the changing of clothes makes us perceive a colourful oscillating light in the sky.

Mobile Phones:
'Scientists' may try and fool you with talk of 'waves', but please dont believe these distacting and frankly stupid theories. Mobile phones are built (by gnomes) to incorporate a gnome catapault. These devices are worked by gnomes in your mobile phone (which coincidently is made up of gnomes) to fire their gnome freinds upwards when you place a call. The gnomes are fired into space where they land on 'satilites' (also made of gnomes). The gnome satillites then catapault seperate gnomes to the mobile you are trying to contact (if you are attempting to 'connect' with a land line the gnomes are fired at a landing station where they run and hi-five down wires to the other phone reciever). When the gnomes reach the reciever you are connecting with there is an exchange of messages, hi-fives and presents (the unwrapping is the crackle you hear). More catapaulting occurs back to the satilite and then to your phone. This process continues so that what you say is 'transmitted' to the other phone and vice-versa (the process is VERY quick, as these gnomes travel at the speed of light-gnomes). A call 'breaks up' or has no 'signal' when the presents exchanged are so good the gnomes dont bother coming back, but just sit and play.

Food:
Gnomes make up everything, including food. When we eat, say, a sandwich the gnomes making up the sandwich are digested and travel to our stomach. The stomach gnomes are so pleased to see other gnomes that a party soon gets underway (when you eat too quickly the party gets out of hand very quickly thus causing indigestion). The party is of course a wild affair, and the beer flows free while the gnomes party hard. The morning after (which in human time is only like 4-6 hours) the clean up begins. The stomach gnomes collect up the rubbish in bin bags. Intestine gnomes (the bin-men of the human body) collect up these bags and take them through the intestine to the... well im sure you can guess. The bum gnomes then drop these bags of rubbish out of the body (known as a landfill). Different varieties of foods are of course different nationalities of gnomes. Spicy food are Asian gnomes. Beacuse these gnomes party particularly hard the morning after is particularly bad. They also like to smoke, which is why humans feel 'gaseous effects' after a rather spicy meal.

Gnome food:
Gnomes also need to eat and drink and it can be easily extrapolated from gnomes theory how this occurs. The gnome digestion process occurs as described above but their food is made up of super-gnomes, who party in their stomachs. Of course, super-gnomes are also hungry entities and eat food made up of hyper-gnomes. Due to the fact thay hyper-gnomes are fundamental and can't be broken down into anything smaller they do not need to eat or drink.

Alcohol:
As all things are made of gnomes, it follows that even alcohol is made of gnomes. These are without doubt the rowdiest of all gnomes (except anti-gnomes). Alcohol gnomes divide into several groups. The first type look kindly and loving (which they indeed are) but have a stupendous sense of humour and love to play practical jokes. They will quickly travel to the brain gnomes upon arrival in the body and will wreak havoc with the head region; taking other gnomes clothes while they are in the shower, throwing eggs at nearby gnomes and the like. This causes the brain gnomes to become distracted, so the body doesnt work as efficiently as normal running. The senses become distorted (e.g. vision) and the human seems to think they are invincible, and the other sex is more attractive. Wine is mostly made up of these gnomes and Females are particularly succeptable to this type. The next type are Beer (subdivided into Ale and lager subspecies) gnomes. These gnomes produce similar effets to the wine gnomes (especially if mixed - gnomes love to party) but through different methods. These gnomes (instead of being fun loving) are dangerous and enjoy getting in fights. They will provoke and cause violence against the gnomes in your brain, and swear loudly. They will push over desks and generally cause havoc. This is again why your senses become distorted etc. The last type of alcahol gnomes are 'spirit' gnomes (who are NOT supernatural). These type of gnomes are really sneaky and cunning. They can very quickly (for they are quite strong and obviously quick) infiltrate the gnome office of the brain and begin to sneakily alter the brain gnomes work. They will send fake emails (to the amusmant of the wine gnomes), cause brain gnomes to work on useless tasks and generally ensure the brain gnomes cannot do there job. These again cause ill effects to your bodies ability to work (normally).