Emo
Beware. The following entry deviates from my usual blogging style and could probably be regarded as emo. Unless you're prepared to put up with some significant self-pity, I'd stop reading now.
I woke up crying this morning. As soon as I opened my eyes, I could feel the tears welling up inside. I can't remember the last time I cried. How long has it been now? For how long have I felt so numb?
I don't feel close to anyone. Not truly close. I feel to have a lot of social boundaries and I hate it. This has been a problem forever, probably because of damaged confidence as a result of primary school bullying.
My thoughts have been so dark recently. I've felt worse than I have for a long time. It's not entirely clear why. Probably a number of reasons, as usual. But yeah. Not feeling happy. That's the general message here.
Most of the time I just get on with my life and try not to let anything bother me. Now and then, though, the bottle gets full. The straightjacket comes off. And I experience the bizarre combination of feeling awful and liberated at the same time. Funny, that.
I'm pondering whether to actually hit the submission button on this entry or just to let the words disappear and be glad I got them out. But no. It feels like forever since I've said anything to anyone which I felt mattered.
I think I'll head to Rhossili for the day. Blow some of these cobwebs away.
[ Entry posted at: Sat 07 Oct 2006 09:46:25 UTC | 3 comment(s)... | Cat: Random ]
W writes:
I haven't cried in years. As someone who has had to deal with depression for the longest time, I can say that I think I know how you feel. Talk to me about this.
[ Sat 07 Oct 2006 12:38:47 UTC ]
M writes:
I can't remember the last day I didn't cry at least once. People all have different ways of dealing with things. I wish I could say that in the darkest days it was the meds that saved me, but in reality it was my friends. Surround yourself with people who care about you and let them take the strain for a while.
[ Sun 08 Oct 2006 13:27:16 UTC ]
Pete writes:
The problem with relying on friends to support you comes when you find you have no friends that can do that. But when you're stuck in quicksand you need someone outside it to throw you a rope.
Good grief, that sounded so corny.
Kudos for having the courage to blog about this, by the way. I have much the same trouble, and it totally ruined my second semester last year. Until May, I don't think I'd cried for about ten years.
[ Fri 13 Oct 2006 13:13:06 UTC ]