Let the blog see the rabbit...

Yesterday should have been quite straightforward. Graham and I were to go to meet our sister, Ellen, at her house and then go to Canterbury to buy our suits for her wedding, which will be in December. From there, we would make our way to the Inn on the Green in Ladbroke Grove where 4ft Pimp (Graham's band) had a gig. We were to arrive at 6:30, in time for the sound check.

We loaded Graham's keyboards into the car and set off slightly later than intended, arriving at Ellen's house in Maidstone some time after midday. One keyboard is a Technics 88-key P50, the other a Korg Triton. In their flight cases, they will only fit in the Rover with the back seats folded down. Consequently, we had to leave the keyboards at Ellen's house in order to be able to put the seats back up so she could come with us to Canterbury. Because she was intending not to come back with us from Canterbury, she gave us a spare house key.

After a cup of tea and a slice of toast and marmalade, we set off for Canterbury. After driving two or three miles, we established that we were going completely the wrong way and Ellen didn't actually know how to get to Canterbury. She seems to think that not being able to drive is a valid excuse for not being able to remember routes.

We finally arrived in Canterbury at 2:30 and made our way to the Cathedral gate to meet one of Ellen's bridesmaids, Kate. While we were waiting for her, I went into Debenhams and got a Ham and Pineapple wrap and some salt and vinegar crisps.

Kate arrived and realised that she didn't know where Slaters (the suit shop) was either, so Ellen phoned Lorraine (her boyfriend's mum), who gave us directions. Pretty much the moment we arrived, a price tag caught my eye and I pointed out the suit it was attached to to the others. It was charcoal grey and cost £59. Everyone made "you've got to spend longer looking for a suit than that" noises and so we wandered round the shop rather aimlessly until a shop assistant came to help us. He measured Graham and returned with the very suit I'd looked at. Graham put it on and then I was measured and a larger version was produced for me to change into. Everyone agreed that they were suitable, so we bought them and I was smug. :-)

Ellen and Kate went off to wander round the shops and Graham and I headed back to the car (via Marks & Spencer, where Graham bought his lunch) and drove back to Ellen's house in Maidstone. We got back to her house just before 4:30 and discovered that the key she had given us wasn't the right one.

I tried phoning Ellen and got no answer, so tried Kate. I got an answer and she handed the phone to Ellen who immediately asked me why I hadn't called her phone. It apparently hadn't rung at all. Ben was due home shortly, so we waited for him to get back. While we waited, Graham finished his bottle of coke and then cut the bottle up in an attempt to use the plastic to open the door. He'd apparently had success with this method when Greg had left his keys in his room at university. However, that wasn't a front door and reassuringly, we had no success with this.

I decided that finding a loo and buying some food would be a good idea, so I headed for the Lidl round the corner and while I was away, Ben got home. Graham phoned me to let me know this good news, and also the bad news that Ben had left his keys at home and so couldn't get in. I managed to get Ellen on Kate's mobile again and so she went to catch a train back to Maidstone. Meanwhile, I returned to the car with my shopping. The three of us sat in the car eating mini apple pies and contemplated what to do next. Ben proposed that we go to the pub while we waited for Ellen, so that's what we did. On the way, Ben bought a newspaper, so when we got to the pub, he and Graham read various portions of it while I used my Palm to log onto Milliways.

After a couple of hours in the pub (how does Graham manage to drink beer so slowly?), we headed back to the car in anticipation of Ellen getting home. She had mentioned that she would call when she got to Maidstone East to get a lift back to the house, so to save time, we drove to the station to meet her.

We sat in the car and waited some more and Ben decided to find a takeaway. He returned shortly after, having just had a phone call from Ellen asking where we were. She had walked home and had called him from there.

We drove back to her house and loaded the car with the keyboards again. Ellen made us some chorizo sandwiches and we set off for Ladbroke Grove.

We got into London at about 9pm, following the route that Graham had generated on the AA route planner website. This failed to mention that it was sending us through the congestion charge zone, but luckily this wasn't a problem as it was too late in the evening for it to apply. We lost our way when we discovered a police roadblock. We were in near-constant contact with the rest of the band, who had been at the venue since about 6pm.

They were having trouble with the promoter, who had at one point said "Either you go on now or go home". They were tempted by the latter option, but had promised another band the use of Graham's keyboards in exchange for use of their drum kit and felt obliged to them. By this time, Graham and I were not feeling so charitable and were on the point of giving up and going home anyway. Somehow, we found Tower Bridge and drove over it. As this put us on the South side of the river again, it wasn't really very helpful, so we turned round and drove over it again.

Having found the ring road, which feels rather more like a maze than a ring when you're trying to follow it, we headed north and west around it and eventually got back to the route described on Graham's print-out.

We got lost again when Graham was busy talking to Joey on his mobile about the route rather than telling me which way to go, but fortunately I managed to turn round and redo the junction we went wrong at again.

We finally arrived at the venue at about 10:30 and discovered that there were still two other bands to play before 4ft Pimp were due on stage. Graham bought me a drink and I sat zombified backstage drinking it.

The band on before 4ft Pimp were the ones wanting to borrow one of Graham's keyboards, so he and I got everything ready and took it on stage for them, only to be told by their keyboardist that it was all wrong. First, he decided that the stand I was bringing on was the wrong one. It wasn't. He then had me move the stand to the other side of the stage, before deciding that where I'd put it the first time was actually better. Then he complained that it was too high and had us change the height of the legs. Fussy git. After all that effort, it turned out he wasn't a very good keyboardist anyway.

Having already got half the gear on stage and also having the room backstage to prepare, we manged probably the quickest changeover we've ever done and the band played really well. So much so that they were asked for an encore. It was just a shame that they were playing so late and there wasn't all that much of an audience.

We finally set off for home at about 1am and got stuck in a huge traffic jam on Marylebone Road due to roadworks. We drove past the Royal London Hospital at 2am. That must be about the 5th time I've driven past it in the middle of the night since my transplant in May, and I'd never had cause to do so before then. Once we got past the traffic and onto the A12, the roads were virtually empty and we arrived home at about 3am having driven a total of 220.7 miles. After a couple of cups of tea, I went to bed.

Note: Graham suggested I write the above blog entry in iambic pentameter in Middle English, but I leave that as an exercise for the reader.

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