Who watches the Wedgeman?

In the unique style of the top five list, I proudly present The Five Best Comedy Instruments Ever:

1. The bagpipes

2. The tuba (even the name is funny!)

3. Er, drums? ("what do you call a guy who hangs around with a band? The drummer." Actually, all those jokes are about the man, not the instrument...)

4. The flute (I always hated American Pie. I think it was because they forgot to hire a writer.)

5. Sousaphone (like a tuba, but sillier. Actually, shouldn't this be higher up than the tuba if that were the case? Curse you, relentless one track mind!)

Next up, the The Five Best Comedy Fruit Ever:

1. The banana (phallic. Also slippery)

2. The melon (especially in pairs)

3. The raspberry (Monty Python know their stuff)

5. The grapefruit (as do Morecambe and Wise. Also, I guess you could have a pair like melons)

5.  The lemon, I guess? (Sometimes people make funny faces when they eat lemons... Ok, so it's a stretch. Man, this top five list thing is hard...)

And now, the Five Best Comedy Cars Ever:

1. The Skoda

2. Um, pink limousine? (Actually, I think that one has migrated from the Five Best Gay Comedy Cars Ever list)

3. Er, the Skoda again. (it's still funny, though, right?)

4. F1 cars (not actually very funny. Also, people have died driving them, which if you think about it is more tragic than comedic... yet, still funnier than...)

5. Clown cars (also tragic)

Er. The Five Best Comedy Dinosaurs Ever: (honestly, who is coming up with these ludicrous categories?)

1. Tyrannosaurus Rex (hehe, little stubby arms are funny)

2. Diplodocus (king of dinosaur stand-up. Inexplicably.)

3. Stegosaurus (funny plates are all funny)

4. Archaeopteryx (funny name. Funny looking. Negative points for possibly not really being a dinosaur.)

5. Those dinosaurs from Dinosaur Comics (is the comedy inherent to the beasts themselves or is it just the writing? Who knows?)

The Five Best Comedy Rainbows Ever: (what the fuck? Er, ok then. Here goes:)

1. Single Rainbow (Hilarious)

2. Double Rainbow (Doubly hilarious. Also inexplicably further down the list)

3. Bifrost Bridge (not hilarious. On the plus side, actually a rainbow, unlike...)

4. Dylan Moran (Hilarious)

5. My Sandman collection, which has colours on which are kinda rainbowy when they're all together. (Tragi-comic. No pun intended.)