Awkward's Humour and Sillies
The following are actual excerpts from classified sections of city newspapers.
- Illiterate? Write today for free help.
- Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.
- Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.
- Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
- Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
- Stock up and save. Limit: one.
- Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale.
- 3-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.
- Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.
- Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross and salary.
- Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00
- For sale: antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.
- Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.
- We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
- For sale. Three canaries of undermined sex.
- Great Dames for sale.
- Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.
- Tired of cleaning yourself. Let me do it.
- Vacation Special: have your home exterminated.
- Get rid of aunts. Zap does the job in 24 hours.
- Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.
- For Rent: 6-room hated apartment.
- Man, honest. Will take anything.
- Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated. Come here first.
- Christmas tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard- to-find person.
- Wanted: Hair cutter. Excellent growth potential.
- Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
- Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.
- Wanted. Widower with school age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family.
- And now, the Superstore-unequalled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivalled inconvenience.
- We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.00.
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