Awkward's Humour and Sillies

Disorder In The Court

From a little book called "Disorder in the Court."
They're things that were really said in court.

Q:What is your date of birth?
A:July fifteenth.
Q:What year?
A:Every year.
Q:What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A:Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
Q:This myasthenia gravis-does it affect your memory at all?
Q:And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A:I forget.
Q:You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?
Q:How old is your son-the one living with you.
A:Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q:How long has he lived with you?
A:Forty-five years.
Q:What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
A:He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q:And why did that upset you?
A:My name is Susan.
Q:And where was the location of the accident?
A:Approximately milepost 499.
Q:And where is milepost 499?
A:Probably between milepost 498 and 500.
Q:Sir, what is your IQ?
A:Well, I can see pretty well, I think.
Q:Did you blow your horn or anything?
A:After the accident?
Q:Before the accident.
A:Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.
Q:Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in the voodoo or occult?
A:We both do.
A:We do.
Q:You do?
A:Yes, voodoo.
Q:Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?
Q:Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
A:Yes, sir.
Q:What did she say?
A:What disco am I at?
Q:You say the stairs went down to the basement?
Q:And these stairs, did they go up also?
Q:Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?
A:I went to Europe, Sir.
Q:And you took your new wife?
Q:How was your first marriage terminated?
A:By death.
Q:And by whose death was it terminated?
Q:Can you describe the individual?
A:He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q:Was this a male, or a female?
Q:Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A:All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
Q:Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A:The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q:And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A:No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
Q:Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
Q:Did you check for blood pressure?
Q:Did you check for breathing?
Q:So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
Q:How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A:Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q:But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless


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Last updated 24/11/2000 at 23:08