Awkward's Humour and Sillies
Job Performance Reviews
These are actual quotes taken from job performance reviews
- I would not allow this employee to breed.
- This associate is really not so much of a has-been, but more definitely a won't be.
- Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.
- When she opens her mouth, it seems it is only to change whichever foot was previously there.
- He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.
- This young lady has delusions of adequacy.
- He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
- This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
- This employee should go far and the sooner he starts, the better.
- Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
- Got into the gene pool when the lifeguard wasn't watching.
- A room temperature IQ.
- Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it together.
- A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.
- A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.
- A prime candidate for natural deselection.
- Bright as Alaska in December.
- One-celled organisms outscore him in IQ tests.
- Donated his brain to science before he was done using it.
- Fell out of the family tree.
- Gates are down, lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.
- Has two brains: one is lost; the other is out looking for it.
- He's so dense, light bends around him.
- If brains were taxed, she'd get a refund.
- If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.
- If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'll get change.
- If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.
- It's hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm.
- One neuron short of a synapse.
- Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, he only gargled.
- Takes him an hour and a half to watch 60 Minutes.
- Wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.
- Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.
- His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.
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