Awkward's Humour and Sillies

Demerit System Used By Women

For all you guys out there who just can't figure it out, here it is. In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes & you get points. Do something she dislikes & points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects...
Sorry, that's the way the game is played. Here is a guide to the point system.

Simple Duties
You make the bed+1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets-1
You leave the toilet seat up-5
You replace the toilet-paper roll when it's empty0
When the toilet-paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex-1
When the Kleenex runs out you shuffle slowly to the next bathroom-2
You check out a suspicious noise at night0
You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing0
You check out a suspicious noise and it's something+5
You pummel it with a six iron+10
It's her father-10
Social Engagements
You stay by her side the entire party0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college drinking buddy-2
...Named Tiffany-4
...Tiffany is a dancer-6
...Tiffany has implants-8
Her Birthday
You take her out to dinner0
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar+1
Okay, it is a sports bar-2
And it's all-you-can-eat night-3
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team-10
You forget her birthday completely-20
You forget your anniversary-30
You forget to pick her up at the bus station-45
Which is in Newark, New Jersey-50
And the pouring rain dissolves her leg cast-60
A Night Out With The Boys
Go out with a pal-5
And the pal is happily married-4
Or frighteningly single-7
And he drives a Mustang-10
With a personalized license plate (GR8 N BED)-15
You have a few beers-9
And miss curfew by an hour-12
You miss curfew by an hour and you didn't call-20
You get home at 3 am-30
You get home at 3 am smelling of booze and cheap cigars-40
Her Night Out
You stay home while she goes out with her annoying friend from work+5
She goes out with her annoying work friends, and she comes home real late+10
...You wait up+15
She goes out, comes home late and drunk, and you put her to bed+20
A Night Out
You take her to a movie+2
You take her to a movie she likes+4
You take her to a movie you hate+6
You take her to a movie you like-2
It's called DeathCop 3-3
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans-15
You buy her flowers only when it's expected0
You buy her flowers as a surprise, just for the hell of it+20
You give her wildflowers you've actually picked yourself+30
And she contracts Lyme disease-25
Your Physique
You develop a noticeable potbelly-15
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it>+10
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts-30
You say "I don't give a damn because you have one too"-800
You spend a lot of money on something impractical-5
Something she can't use-10
Such as a motorized model airplane-20
And she got a small appliance for her birthday-40
You lost the directions on a trip-4
You lost the directions and end up getting lost-10
You end up getting lost in a bad part of town-15
You get lost in a bad part of town and meet the locals up close and personal-25
...You know them-60
The Big Question
She asks, "Do I look fat?"
(Sensitive questions always start with a deficit)
You hesitate in responding-10
You reply, "Where?".-35
When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression0
When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes+5
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV+10
She realizes this is because you've fallen asleep-20

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Last updated 14/02/2001 at 21:38