Which one of these do you fall into???
or which do I fit into?
| Traits | The Good News | The Bad News | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Joe/Jane Average College Student | Owner of a new university-supplied computer account with httpd access. Complete lack of originality. Multiple references to beer/Disney movies. Several photos of Student with college buddies (high school, if freshman Student). | They don't know how to get their page linked to the outside world, so only they and their friends download their 16.7-million- color pictures from the last party. | They, their friends and their 16.7-million-color pictures might be on your server. |
| Mr. "Enhanced For Netscape" | The second thing you see on his page is a Netscape logo and a link to an ftp site where you can download Netscape <BLINK>NOW!</BLINK>. The first thing you see is about 80 different <TITLE>s scrolling back and forth across your screen. | You won't have to look at their pages for long, because there won't be much there to see. | Half of the rest of the people who look at their pages are going to think "Hey, that's cool!" and copy the source. |
| The Old-Timer | Pages compatible with HTML 1.0, no graphics and very few attribute tags. Normal-text-size message at top says "This page not enhanced for Netscape. Cope, whipper-snapper." | The Good News : He's likely there because he has something of importance to say. | The Bad News : Whatever it is will likely be boring or far too technical for you. |
| The 5-Year-Old | Pictures of their parents, the family pet, etc. More data about the daily life of a kindergartener than you thought possible. Cute "kiddy-talk" dialect to the text. <ADDRESS> contains the note "such-and-such's mother helped her build this page." | The first few of these you see give you a warm, fuzzy feeling. | The Bad News : The last few dozen of these you see all look the same. |
| The Computer Science Major | Links to the linux FAQ, the Geek Code, Star Wars theme music and DOOM .wad files. Cautious use of Netscape enhancements. Picture of Darth Vader instead of personal pictures. HTML 3.0 (Beta) compliant seal-of-approval at bottom of their page. | If you're a geek, you'll find what you're looking for here. Even if you're not, you'll like the page design. | Complete lack of socially redeeming qualities. Unfortunate tendency to upload specs of their home PC. |
| The Businessman | Pages without fancy backgrounds and with only one nice, clean, imagemap. Unfortunately, there are no text-links for those using Lynx. | You won't go blind staring at his pages. | You might wish you had once you see the prices of the goods/services he's offering. |
| The Newbie | Very little created text on their pages, it's almost all links to other people's pages. Missing right brackets in <A HREF>s kill whole lines of information. Several image files are not able to be loaded. <CENTER>. | They'll almost have to get better. | They just might not. |
| The Egotist | Large image of themself greets you when page is loading. 1/2 Meg .au file of him chatting with his dog. Access counts shown for every page. Several lengthy pages devoted to his compact disk/Magic card/beer bottle collection. More personal details than you'd ever want to know. | There isn't any. | Frequently friendly with Mr. "Enhanced for Netscape." |
| The Maniac | Last counted 1267 .html files in his public_html directory and 100+ CGI scripts in his cgi-bin directory. Is known as a "Close Personal Friend of Bob [Allison]." Thinks the people at Yahoo! "don't keep up with the Web fast enough." Will be the first on his block to have an ethernet cable hardwired into his brain. | You could go through all his pages and never find an error. | You'd never make it through all his pages. |
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Contact me atcmckenna@sucs.swan.a
Back to Index of Computer Jokes
Back To Main Humour Index
Contact me atcmckenna@sucs.swan.ac.uk