For all you guys out there who just can't figure it out, here it is. In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes & you get points. Do something she dislikes & points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects...
Sorry, that's the way the game is played. Here is a guide to the point system.
| Simple Duties | |
|---|---|
| You make the bed | +1 |
| You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows | 0 |
| You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets | -1 |
| You leave the toilet seat up | -5 |
| You replace the toilet-paper roll when it's empty | 0 |
| When the toilet-paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex | -1 |
| When the Kleenex runs out you shuffle slowly to the next bathroom | -2 |
| You check out a suspicious noise at night | 0 |
| You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing | 0 |
| You check out a suspicious noise and it's something | +5 |
| You pummel it with a six iron | +10 |
| It's her father | -10 |
| Social Engagements | |
| You stay by her side the entire party | 0 |
| You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college drinking buddy | -2 |
| ...Named Tiffany | -4 |
| ...Tiffany is a dancer | -6 |
| ...Tiffany has implants | -8 |
| Her Birthday | |
| You take her out to dinner | 0 |
| You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar | +1 |
| Okay, it is a sports bar | -2 |
| And it's all-you-can-eat night | -3 |
| It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team | -10 |
| Thoughtfulness | |
| You forget her birthday completely | -20 |
| You forget your anniversary | -30 |
| You forget to pick her up at the bus station | -45 |
| Which is in Newark, New Jersey | -50 |
| And the pouring rain dissolves her leg cast | -60 |
| A Night Out With The Boys | |
| Go out with a pal | -5 |
| And the pal is happily married | -4 |
| Or frighteningly single | -7 |
| And he drives a Mustang | -10 |
| With a personalized license plate (GR8 N BED) | -15 |
| You have a few beers | -9 |
| And miss curfew by an hour | -12 |
| You miss curfew by an hour and you didn't call | -20 |
| You get home at 3 am | -30 |
| You get home at 3 am smelling of booze and cheap cigars | -40 |
| Her Night Out | |
| You stay home while she goes out with her annoying friend from work | +5 |
| She goes out with her annoying work friends, and she comes home real late | +10 |
| ...You wait up | +15 |
| She goes out, comes home late and drunk, and you put her to bed | +20 |
| A Night Out | |
| You take her to a movie | +2 |
| You take her to a movie she likes | +4 |
| You take her to a movie you hate | +6 |
| You take her to a movie you like | -2 |
| It's called DeathCop 3 | -3 |
| You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans | -15 |
| Flowers | |
| You buy her flowers only when it's expected | 0 |
| You buy her flowers as a surprise, just for the hell of it | +20 |
| You give her wildflowers you've actually picked yourself | +30 |
| And she contracts Lyme disease | -25 |
| Your Physique | |
| You develop a noticeable potbelly | -15 |
| You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it | >+10 |
| You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts | -30 |
| You say "I don't give a damn because you have one too" | -800 |
| Finances | |
| You spend a lot of money on something impractical | -5 |
| Something she can't use | -10 |
| Such as a motorized model airplane | -20 |
| And she got a small appliance for her birthday | -40 |
| Driving | |
| You lost the directions on a trip | -4 |
| You lost the directions and end up getting lost | -10 |
| You end up getting lost in a bad part of town | -15 |
| You get lost in a bad part of town and meet the locals up close and personal | -25 |
| ...You know them | -60 |
| The Big Question | |
| She asks, "Do I look fat?" (Sensitive questions always start with a deficit) | -5 |
| You hesitate in responding | -10 |
| You reply, "Where?". | -35 |
| Communication | |
| When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression | 0 |
| When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes | +5 |
| You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV | +10 |
| She realizes this is because you've fallen asleep | -20 |
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Contact me at cmckenna@sucs.swan.ac.uk