This is an actual job application a 17 year old boy submitted at a McDonald's fast-food establishment in Florida........and they hired him because he was so honest and funny!
NAME: | Greg Bulmash |
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SEX: | Not yet. Still waiting for the right person. |
DESIRED POSITION: | Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place. |
DESIRED SALARY: | $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle. |
EDUCATION: | Yes. |
LAST POSITION HELD: | Target of middle management hostility. |
SALARY: | Less than I'm worth. |
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: | My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes. |
REASON FOR LEAVING: | It sucked. |
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: | Any. |
PREFERRED HOURS: | 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday. |
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: | Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment. |
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: | If I had one, would I be here? |
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: | 50 lbs of what? |
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: | I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?" |
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: | I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing house Sweepstakes. |
DO YOU SMOKE?: | On the job no, on my breaks yes. |
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: | Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy, dumb, sexy blonde super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now. |
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: | Yes. Absolutely. |
SIGN HERE: | Aries. |
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