How To Deal With Broken Machines

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• Approach the ailing machine in a confident manner. This will give the machine the (often mistaken) idea that you know something. This will also impress anyone who happens to be looking and if the machine should suddenly start to work you will be credited with it's repair. If this step fails to work proceed to setp two.
  
• Wave the reference manual at the machine. This will make the machine assume that you are at least somewhat familiar with the sources of knowledge. Should this step fail to work, proceed to step three.
  
• In a forceful manner, recite ohm's law to the machine - (before taking this step, refer to some reliable textbook and assure your knowledge of ohm's law). This will prove to the machine, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that you do know something. This is a drastic step and should be attempted only after the first two have been tried.
  
• Jar the machine slightly. This may require from a three foot to a six foot drop, preferably on a concrete floor. However, we must be very careful with this step because, while jarring is an approved method of repairing a machine, we must not mark the floor. Again, this is a drastic step and, should it fail to work, we are forced to proceed to step five.
  
• Add an integrated circuit, this will prove to the machine that you are familiar with circuit design. Also, this step will give the machine an added load to carry and will thereby increase your advantage. Should these five steps fail, we must proceed to the most drastic step of all, this step is seldom needed and must be used only as a final resort.