If Operating Systems were Chickens
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How did the chicken cross the road? (But not quite the chicks
you're thinking of)
- OS/2 Chicken: It crossed the road in style years ago, but it
was so quiet that nobody noticed. The next will cross the road in
June. No, August. September for sure.
- Win 95 Chicken: You see different colored feathers while it
crosses, but cook it and it still tastes like ... chicken.
- Microsoft Chicken (TM): It's already on both sides of the
road. And it just bought the road.
- OP Chicken: It doesn't need to cross the road, it just sends a
message.
- Assembler Chicken: First it builds the road ...
- C Chicken: It crosses the road without looking both ways.
- C++ Chicken: The chicken wouldn't have to cross the road,
you'd simply refer to him on the other side.
- VB Chicken: USHighways!TheRoad.cross (aChicken)
- Delphi Chicken: The chicken is dragged across the road and
dropped on the other side.
- Java Chicken: If your road needs to be crossed by a chicken,
the server will download one to the other side. (Of course, those
are chicklets)
- Web Chicken: Jumps out onto the road, turns right, and just
keeps on running.
- Gopher Chicken: Tried to run, but got flattened by the Web
chicken.
- Newton Chicken: Can't cluck, can't fly, and can't lay eggs,
but you can carry it across the road in your pocket !
- Cray/SGI Chicken: Crosses faster than any other chicken, but
if you don't dip it in liquid nitrogen first, it arrives on the
other side fully cooked.
- Quantum Logic Chicken: The chicken is distributed
probabalistically on all sides of the road until you observe it on
the side of your course.
- Lotus Chicken: Don't you *dare* try to cross the road the same
way we do!
- Mac Chicken: No reasonable chicken owner would want a chicken
to cross the road, so there's no way to tell it to.
- Al Gore Chicken: Waiting for completion of NCI (Nation
Chicken-crossing Infrastructure) and will cross as soon as it's
finished, assuming he's re-elected and the Republicans don't gut
the program.
- BeOS Chicken: Multiple chickens can cross faster than a single
chicken can from another coop. (Except the Cray/SGI chicken, of
course;-)...)
- Copland Chicken: Keeps trying to cross the road, but continues
to run back to the original side. Maybe it will cross sometime
next year...
- COBOL Chicken:
DEFINE VARIABLE CHICHEN AS
BIRD
DEFINE FEATHERS AS
EXTERNAL
REF[!FEATHERS[IN:NATURE.DAT]
DEFINE VARIABLE BIRD AS
CREATURE;
LEGS BECOMES 2
MOUTH BECOMES
BEAK
+ WINGS
DEFINE WINGS AS
ARMS + FEATHERS
DEFINE BIKES AS
MULTIPLE BIKE
DEFINE BIKE AS
ALIAS OF MOTORBIKE
DEFINE BUSES AS
MULTIPLE BUS
DEFINE BUS AS
EXTERNAL
REF[!BUS[IN:TRANSPRT.DAT]
DEFINE CARS AS
MULTIPLE CAR
DEFINE CAR AS
EXTERNAL
REF[!CAR[IN:TRANSPRT.DAT]
DEFINE MOTORBIKES AS
MULTIPLE MOTORBIKE
DEFINE MOTORBIKE AS
EXTERNAL
REF[!MOTORBIKE[IN:TRANSPRT.DAT]
DEFINE LORRIES AS
MULTIPLE LORRY
DEFINE LORRY AS
EXTERNAL
REF[!LORRY[IN:TRANSPRT.DAT]
DEFINE ROAD AS
EXTERNAL
REF[!ROAD[IN:CITY.DAT]
DEFINE NO-MORE-VEHICLES AS
ROAD - CARS - LORRIES - BIKES - BUSES
BEGIN MAIN SUBROUTINE 0001-CHICKEN-CROSSING.
IF NO-MORE-VEHICLES THEN
PERFORM 0010-CROSS-THE-ROAD
VARYING STEPS FROM 1 BY 1 UNTIL
ON-THE-OTHER-SIDE
ELSE
GO TO 0001-CHICKEN-CROSSING