If Operating Systems were Chickens

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How did the chicken cross the road? (But not quite the chicks you're thinking of)

• OS/2 Chicken: It crossed the road in style years ago, but it was so quiet that nobody noticed. The next will cross the road in June. No, August. September for sure.
  
  
• Win 95 Chicken: You see different colored feathers while it crosses, but cook it and it still tastes like ... chicken.
  
  
• Microsoft Chicken (TM): It's already on both sides of the road. And it just bought the road.
  
  
• OP Chicken: It doesn't need to cross the road, it just sends a message.
  
  
• Assembler Chicken: First it builds the road ...
  
  
• C Chicken: It crosses the road without looking both ways.
  
  
• C++ Chicken: The chicken wouldn't have to cross the road, you'd simply refer to him on the other side.
  
  
• VB Chicken: USHighways!TheRoad.cross (aChicken)
  
  
• Delphi Chicken: The chicken is dragged across the road and dropped on the other side.
  
  
• Java Chicken: If your road needs to be crossed by a chicken, the server will download one to the other side. (Of course, those are chicklets)
  
  
• Web Chicken: Jumps out onto the road, turns right, and just keeps on running.
  
  
• Gopher Chicken: Tried to run, but got flattened by the Web chicken.
  
  
• Newton Chicken: Can't cluck, can't fly, and can't lay eggs, but you can carry it across the road in your pocket !
  
  
• Cray/SGI Chicken: Crosses faster than any other chicken, but if you don't dip it in liquid nitrogen first, it arrives on the other side fully cooked.
  
  
• Quantum Logic Chicken: The chicken is distributed probabalistically on all sides of the road until you observe it on the side of your course.
  
  
• Lotus Chicken: Don't you *dare* try to cross the road the same way we do!
  
  
• Mac Chicken: No reasonable chicken owner would want a chicken to cross the road, so there's no way to tell it to.
  
  
• Al Gore Chicken: Waiting for completion of NCI (Nation Chicken-crossing Infrastructure) and will cross as soon as it's finished, assuming he's re-elected and the Republicans don't gut the program.
  
  
• BeOS Chicken: Multiple chickens can cross faster than a single chicken can from another coop. (Except the Cray/SGI chicken, of course;-)...)
  
  
• Copland Chicken: Keeps trying to cross the road, but continues to run back to the original side. Maybe it will cross sometime next year...
  
  
• COBOL Chicken:
  DEFINE VARIABLE CHICHEN AS
      BIRD
  DEFINE FEATHERS AS
      EXTERNAL REF[!FEATHERS[IN:NATURE.DAT]
  DEFINE VARIABLE BIRD AS
      CREATURE;
          LEGS BECOMES 2
          MOUTH BECOMES BEAK
          + WINGS
  
  DEFINE WINGS AS
      ARMS + FEATHERS
  DEFINE BIKES AS
      MULTIPLE BIKE
  DEFINE BIKE AS
      ALIAS OF MOTORBIKE
  DEFINE BUSES AS
      MULTIPLE BUS
  DEFINE BUS AS
      EXTERNAL REF[!BUS[IN:TRANSPRT.DAT]
  DEFINE CARS AS
      MULTIPLE CAR
  DEFINE CAR AS
      EXTERNAL REF[!CAR[IN:TRANSPRT.DAT]
  DEFINE MOTORBIKES AS
      MULTIPLE MOTORBIKE
  DEFINE MOTORBIKE AS
      EXTERNAL REF[!MOTORBIKE[IN:TRANSPRT.DAT]
  DEFINE LORRIES AS
      MULTIPLE LORRY
  DEFINE LORRY AS
      EXTERNAL REF[!LORRY[IN:TRANSPRT.DAT]
  DEFINE ROAD AS
      EXTERNAL REF[!ROAD[IN:CITY.DAT]
  DEFINE NO-MORE-VEHICLES AS
      ROAD - CARS - LORRIES - BIKES - BUSES
  
  
  BEGIN MAIN SUBROUTINE 0001-CHICKEN-CROSSING.
    IF NO-MORE-VEHICLES THEN
      PERFORM 0010-CROSS-THE-ROAD
      VARYING STEPS FROM 1 BY 1 UNTIL
      ON-THE-OTHER-SIDE
    ELSE
      GO TO 0001-CHICKEN-CROSSING