If OS's Were Weapons...

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However, as we well know, operating systems are dangerous. Lusers can wreak untold havoc with a well-aimed operating system; an expert can do even more damage. My preferred analogy is to weaponry -- it makes more sense at a gut level, and besides, it gives me a chance to drool over things that Go Fast and Explode on a.s.r. Here's my provisional list ...

• If MS-DOS was a weapon, it would be a poor quality air rifle disguised as an AK-47.
  
• If Solaris was a weapon, it would be a world war two German railway cannon with a cracked breech block.
  
• If Windows 3.1 was a weapon, it would be a badly-made 1930's era tommy gun with a tendency to jam.
  
• If SCO Open Server was a weapon, it would be a mid-1950's short- range surface-to-surface nuclear missile; possibly an Honest John. Liquid-fueled, of course, and with a blast radius exceeding its range.
  
• If VM/CMS was a weapon, it would be the Wehrmacht.
  
• If MacOS was a weapon, it would be an artillery shell full of BZ or LSD. A leaky artillery shell.
  
• If Windows 95 was a weapon, it would be a high explosive artillery shell disguised as a CBW shell full of BZ or LSD. With a defective fuse.
  
• If CP/M was a weapon, it would be a high quality air rifle, but the ammunition supplied with it would be all the wrong calibre.
  
• If Linux was a weapon, it would be an AK-47 or a Heckler & Koch MP5. (Hey, stop pointing those things at me ...!)
  
• If NT was a weapon, it would be a main battle tank, but it would need an enormous 29-liter V12 engine and guzzle fuel like a thirsty camel. It would be equipped with a fairly impressive gun that can shoot multiple shells at once, but the right kind of 32-bit shells would be hard to come by. The manufacturer would claim that the gun would also shoot Tank-95 shells, but experienced tank-drivers would advise you to do some test-firing them from a safe distance,because some of them would blow up the gun tube.
  
  To solve this problem, the manufacturer also supplies a 16-bit gun, that takes all kind of ammo, even the old 8-bit shells. However, since these were already notoriously unreliable, the net effect is that one 16-bit shell detonating in the gun-tube would make every other shell in a 50-meter radius blow up too, thus making this doomsday machine a formidable weapon on the battlefield. For the opposition, that is.
  
  The manufacturer would also claim that breaking into the tank is a C2ertified impossibility, but forget to mention that this only applies to the model without access doors and floppy drives. There would also be hidden access panels that nobody knows about (yet).
  
• If VMS was a weapon, it would be a nuclear submarine. Once running, it would stay out of sight for months at a time. Fiddling with the engine requires trained engineers, and they can be recognized by the greenish light they emit in the dark. To the casual users eye, the interface is a smooth, boring surface without visible clues. However, experienced users can find $UPPER$DECK::ACCESS$HATCH[INTO.THE.SHIP] blindfolded.
  
• If a HP 41C was a weapon, it would be a .45 Colt. You'd have to load the shells backwards, and it would break the wrist of untrained users.